I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
