hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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