he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
