I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
