HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
