when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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