He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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