I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
