This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
