Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
