im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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