she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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