Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
