I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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