either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
