I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So squirting runs in the family.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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