I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
its not stalking. its research.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
