Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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