Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
