I think im going to throw up on grandma
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Mom said you looked used
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
