Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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