oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
