I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
