she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
