Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
