Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
