Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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