I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
