Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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