The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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