Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
