Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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