I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
