do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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