WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
