I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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