Your mouth is God's brothel.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am available for nakedness
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