wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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