is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
