i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
