Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
