just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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