Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
