saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
