She said her name was "party"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No subtext here. People are naked.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
