Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
