So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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