By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
