i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In other news, I just burned my penis
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
