There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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