tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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