I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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