i don't like sucking hair
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
