The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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