i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i dont even know how to be here
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
